November 10, 2014

November 10, 2014

“I am unjust, but I can strive for justice.  My life’s unkind, but I can vote for kindness.  I, the unloving, say life should be lovely.  I, that am blind, cry out against my blindness.” Those who know me, say I’m the kindest man on this planet.  That is their perception, and I think we all know that they’re wrong.  I can’t speak for everyone, but the one’s I know really wants to believe.  They don’t have any sense of doubt. In fact, they don’t trust doubt.  They accept what is in front of them, and you can’t really blame them.  If there is a malted vanilla milkshake at their table, why would they want to think about it as existence or not.  You drink it up and look outside the window, as the world collapses.  I imagine the soundtrack will be either Screaming Lord Sutch’s “Jack the Ripper” or Gruppo di Improvvlsazlone Nuova Consonanza’s “Azioni.” The two craziest sounds from the 20th century.  If I recognize the difference between truth and doubt, then I can clearly lick my lips to get the last taste of the malted milk and continue on to my inner-journey.

“Conquer yourself rather than the world.” The more I talk, I can clearly see that I’m talking to the wind.  The words are hitting against my face, and the pain makes me realize that I’m truly alive.  I only feel dead when I look in your eyes, and I get no response whatsoever.  Just a well-rehearsed glance towards me as I speak - and I what I speak is totally useless to you - but you’re kind enough to pretend that it may become of some importance.  “To know what people really think, pay attention to what they do, rather than what they say.” All I have to do is keep in thought that “the joke loses everything when the joker laughs himself.” I have been known to laugh on a consistent basis.   Even at things or incidents that are not funny.

“They tried to get me, but I got them first.” I have made that decision a long time ago, that when they come after me, and right before they break the door down… that will be the moment when I’ll end my life.  I’ll drink the entire bottle of Lysol. “Did you think the lion was sleeping because he didn’t roar?” If I don’t die, then I must at all costs, with respect “in order to seek truth, it is necessary once in the course of my life to doubt, as far as possible, of all things.” I remember once you told me that you love me.  I could never believe it, because you said that while looking out the window.   I was a little hurt, but I never allow the pain to overcome me.  What I see in the mirror is something magnificent, and if I believe it, then I become it.   “I think, therefore I am. ” What other choice do I have, but to endlessly doubt that you care?   “Let whoever can do so deceive me, she will never bring it about that I am nothing, as long as I continue to think I am something. ”