My Blue Heaven

 

My Blue Heaven

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

I wrote a piece for Please Kill Me website on the legendary and brilliant Scott Walker.  His death was a terrible blow to me, and in many ways, perhaps my last pop music or cultural idol.  When he died last week it was hard for me to put in words how I feel about him and his music.  Gillian and Alan at Please Kill Me offered a platform to do an essay on him, and I did so.  Scott Walker.

Yesterday I spent the entire day at our home, while it was being fixed for various leaky pipes throughout the house.  I'm somewhat like a cat who doesn't like their place disturbed by neighbors or other animals.  I felt trapped in my room as the workers tore away the downstairs ceiling, and then eventually work on both of our bathrooms.  Of course, once they started to do serious work in my bathroom, I immediately needed to use the toilet.   Which got me thinking that perhaps we should get a Japanese computer toilet that can blow, wipe, and practically dress you up again after using the bog. But that will be expensive, and we decided that the American toilet is perfectly fine for our daily habitual use.  

After being stuck all day (and night) yesterday in my office space at home, I decided to spend the afternoon at Artbook at Hauser & Wirth Los Angeles to do my work.  I officially work for them, by writing on books for their Facebook page.  But I also do my own writing as well as studying culture, which means long hours reading posts on Facebook.  It's chilly inside the store and in all the galleries, so I decided to sit in the 'farm' part of the complex to do work.  I'm here with the chickens and herbs and personally, I feel that the chickens here are working harder than me. 

March 10, 2017 (Tosh's Diary) Japan

March 10, 2017 (Tosh's Diary) Japan

I'm ill.  Something is decaying in my body, and I tried every measure to piss or poop it out.   David Bowie went from station to station, but I'm going from toilet to toilet.   Every station has a bathroom as well as every public building.  In Los Angeles, I'm consistently reminded that there are very few public toilets in the city.   Tokyo and other cities in Japan seem to take the route that public bathrooms are a human's right to pee.   In the United States, you need to buy a cup of coffee before being allowed to the bathroom.  So in other words, one must have the currency of some sort to pee in a proper manner.

The Japanese toilet has other problems.  Well, the toilet itself doesn't have a problem, but the foreigner who can't read Kanji may have an issue with the object that's the toilet.   There are two types of toilets in Japan.   The western style, but has the added features to spray water on your behind, both hard and soft, as well as a bidet for the female.  Some come with a dryer, but all have a heated seat.  Even when I don't want to use the toilet, I like to sit on the warm seat and read.

One has to be careful in which button they're pushing.  Some years ago, I was in a public toilet in an expensive restaurant, and after I had peed, I played the game eenie meenie moe to select the right button.   "Meenie" led me to push a button where all of sudden a pipe came out of the toilet bowl and sprayed warm water all over my crotch.  I was wearing white levis, and it seems the entire restaurant knew what happened to me in that particular toilet.

The other is the 'squat' toilet.  This is the standard toilet you find in small Japanese towns or the countryside.  Some old department stores as well have them.  One can usually make a choice.  The Western toilet is very common now.  Still, I have never used this type of toilet because I could never figure how to use it.   I presume one had to sit or hover over it, but at what part of the toilet do you release your obscene insides?

Japan has an understanding of the need for the bathroom.  In fact, it is almost an art piece.  The structure of the 'squat' toilet is something that a fan of Marcel Duchamp can appreciate.  The other thing one must remember, especially if you are in someone's home - never bring the outside slippers into the toilet area.   There are toilet slippers, and they are to be used only in the toilet room.   This is an important rule to follow.   There is nothing more disgusting when someone uses the same pair of slippers for inside the house as well as in the toilet area.  That alone is making me ill at the moment.

But back to my illness.  It's impossible for one not to get sick when facing thousands of people on a daily level in the streets of Tokyo or any other major Japanese city.  If you travel on the train during the rush hour, you will be more likely to be kissing distance to either female or male.   Often I have opened my mouth, and someone would cough right into my open port.  So as I write, I'm feeling sick and of course, not in the greatest mood.

- Tosh Berman

February 13, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

February 13, 2017

I'm packing for my trip to Tokyo.  It's cold there.  Since I'm a hardcore California man of 60 years standing, I don't even own a jacket.  I'm   bringing a v-neck t-shirt so I can wear it over a regular long sleeve t-shirt, which of course, will be over a white cotton t-shirt.  And a scarf.  So three layers of T-shirts and scarf I think will be okay for temperatures around 50 degrees.  The plane ride will be 11 hours long, and 17 hours in the future.  Jet-lag is not an option.  I have to stay alerted for the entire trip.  Although, the neon lights of the Ginza bathes my eyes in such a fashion that I become sleepy.   There is something about Japan that makes me feel cozy.  For instance, there is no central heating in most Japanese homes.  To get out of your comfortable bed to pee in the middle of the night is a shock to the body.  First, it's cold outside your bedding, and then when you're in the hallway, it's 10 degrees lower for some reason.  The saving grace is the freezing toilet room, but alas, the toilet is heated.  Most if not all Japanese toilets are heated.  It sounds silly, but very much needed in the middle of the night. That, in a nutshell, is a typical middle-of-the-night schedule in a Japanese home.  Right now I'm projecting this, but if it is like the previous trips to Japan in the winter time, well, there should be no surprises.  Where I'm staying there is a washing machine, so I think I can just bring the three t-shirts, scarf, blue jeans, and tennis shoes.  Oh, maybe a pair of socks and shorts as well.  Then I'm set for my adventure.   Must remember to bring BOOKFORUM for the plane ride.  It's the only thing I can read on a plane.  And the size of the magazine is perfect.  It's sort of like a newspaper so one can use it as a napkin on one's lap while you're eating.  I don't know about you, but it's tough to eat in the cheap seats on a plane.  I'm left-handed, so it's always awkward to have someone near me during a meal.  And I tend to leave crumbs on my lap, so BOOKFORUM serves excellent service.  I can't wait until tomorrow.  Why can't tomorrow be now, and now be some other time?