August 27, 2014

August 27, 2014

They are having a double-bill at the Beverly theater tonight, showing “Rock, Rock, Rock” and “Play It As It Lays.” Both films starring Tuesday Weld, who I first saw in the TV show “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis.” To this day the perfect little squeeze for me.   I have a tendency to date women who look like Tuesday, because she’s my ideal beauty.  There’s the icy blonde, and then there is the blonde who can raise the temperature of your coffee, just by being there in that room.  There is something vulnerable about her, and I imagine that she is socially awkward in social gatherings.  I can see myself parked in a car by her apartment, and talking about things with her.  I would want to embrace her, but I know that would be wrong.  Well, this is all in my head.  Nevertheless I have had relationships with women who very much look like Tuesday.

Each man has their “type” and where that comes from is a very mysterious place.  To be honest, my feelings for that type are always visual to me.  It is not due to if she’s smart or interesting, but more to do with the thickness of her lips, and how her blonde hair flows over her eyes or not.  My obsession once hit a peak, when I was going on a date with a girl who had dark hair.  I bought her a blonde wig, and asked her to watch various Tuesday films, to see if she could imitate her.  The fact that she’s “fake” made the sex with her very exciting to me. Of course a relationship like that, can’t possibly last long.  But for me, it is not just the length of time, but the quality - and even now, when I think back, I smile.

Having this private obsession, I tend to ‘smell’ out others who may share my obsession with a certain type of woman.  I don’t have any serious money, but I like to collect art books by Man Ray.  Both his sculptures, paintings and especially his photographs.   But to be honest what I love most about him is his taste of women.   Lee Miller, Kiki, and of course his wife was all beautiful, and more than that, incredibly sexy.  Over the years I have purchased books with respect to his photography, and I cut out the images of women he photographed.  I would think that he had sexual relationship with every girl he photographed, no?   What I did was to collect the images and put it in a scrapbook, that I hand-made by myself.  Whenever I look through this scrapbook, I would get such an erotic charge. It is like the image is coming off the paper and grabbing my genitals.

Also I was intrigued by Man Ray, because in a sense he made his character up.  I find that fascinating especially when you throw in sexual identity in the mix.  I often wonder if I made up my desire for Tuesday Weld, or it somehow came naturally, which thinking now, must be impossible.  I’m intrigued by people who go out with the same looking people, or they have a precise physical requirement - for instance they must be blonde or redhead and so forth.  I don’t know where or when my identity started. I don’t think it came naturally. It was more of a choice of some sort.  But where did that ability to make choices come from?

Like Man Ray, I also take an interest in mechanics and how things can work.  As a hobby I made myself a rhythmicon, which is basically the first electronic drum machine.  The composer Henry Cowell invented it with Léon Theremin, with the hopes of using it for his music.   It can use 16 different rhythms and I find it fascinating to build something from nothing and then having it become something. Imagination can lead one to new ways of looking at the world, yet I didn’t alter the machine whosoever.  I kept the same model as Cowell and Theremin, because I wanted to be in their shoes.  I didn’t want something that I made-up, but borrowed.  For me, desire is what I know.  The more I know it, the more control I have over it. I’m going to enjoy the Tueday Weld double-bill.