December 26, 2014

December 26, 2014

I love the world, but the world doesn’t love me, or at the very least, they misunderstood me.  I never wanted to cause harm, but I usually don’t have any choice in the matter, due that I bring my work out in front of the public, yet, I’m met with indifference, or at the very least, ridicule.  I’ve been laughed at ever since I was a child, and it got worse when I turned into a teenager.   The rejection of my father’s death, as well as going through a painful teenage era, left me scarred, but from that pain, I have become a stronger person - even a stronger artist.  In my own fashion, I try to bring the beauty to the world, but somehow it always turns into disgust.

I made the perfect album in the late 1950s, with my pals Marshall Leib and Annette Kleinbard.  I wrote a lot of the songs, but also played guitar and sang back up.   At the time, I was going through a lot of emotional pain, but I feel that the album best expressed the times I lived in.   Sadly, the album didn’t sell, but I did have a song that became a hit, with a stunning vocal from Annette.   Yet, I decided being in a band or the artist was sort of the loser’s position, when you can actually work in the back room, and therefore be able to have a vision of the world that is out there.

The thing is you can place yourself anywhere you want on the record, but you never escape from yourself.  I’m always walking alone in the darkest side of the street.  If I had the choice I would bring nothing but joy to the world, but something fucks up for me, and I don’t understand why the world is so hostile towards me.  I can’t go on, to lose the one, I hold so dear, which is my audience. “I’m dealing in rock ’n’ roll.  I’m, like, I’m not a bona fide human being. ”

I went to Tosh’s dad’s art opening, and I remember finding myself in a crowd of fools.   I started to speak to Tosh, and then Tosh said to me “I’m not Tosh, but I can bring you to Tosh.” I told him to bring him over here.  Tosh came to me and said “Hey man how are you doing?” I said to him, “How do I know you’re Tosh?” It really bugged me when people give me shit, especially in public. I feel that they are going out of their way just to embarrass me.   I had my bodyguard with me, and I went up to people I didn’t know, and told them I can just snap my fingers and have them beaten up.  I positioned my thumb over my shoulder and told them, “see that guy there, all I have to do is snap my fingers, “ and you’re through man.”

I don’t even know why I react that way.   It just builds up in me, and I finally just couldn’t take it anymore.  I just want to punch all of them in their faces, but that is my peculiar version of a kiss.  It’s a sign of love, and yeah, even if I throw the cripple down the stairs, I’m going to come out as a winner.   You know I’m a cripple inside, and "no one in the family is safe when I sashay."