February 25, 2014
Last full day in Los Angeles. Need to pose for photos for my next book. Need to decide what to bring. Close the chapter in my life here, now that I have a life without a turntable or big screen TV. Onward to life on Meguro Dori, and watching the cherry blossoms do their thing, and eventually like the others, become totally obsessed with photographing the moment the cherry colored flowers become ripe and… eventually fall on the pavement and die.
One thing I learned from life is that we can’t all sing like Enrico Caruso. Yet, through my parents, I went to a school that was very much under the influence of Rudolf Steiner. The Waldorf education allowed the student to creatively play instead of forcing one to learn or study. Here I learn the human being consists of body, soul, and spirit. Therefore why not sing like Caruso!
But as a child when I opened my mouth, it came out what some say is noise. As a student I just want to convey to the grown ups that noise is just unorganized sounds looking for a melody. Over a period of years, the people around me disagree with that theory that I obtained from the Steiner school. At this time, I chose to keep my mouth shut, and allow my creativity flow through the pen on paper. As a kid I pretty much admired the works of Karl May, who wrote westerns that took place in the wild west, but in actually was a writer from Germany, and he never been to America. Taking him on as a literary model, sort of made me the Eddie Constantine of literature.
One of the hardest things to do as a writer who doesn’t work for a living is to convince others that I am worthwhile something… maybe important. One of my favorite films is “Billy Liar” starring Tom Courtenay. He plays a northern soul who tells everyone that he’s going to London to make it big, but alas, he fails. It is with this sense of failure that stays in my mind as I leave for Tokyo. I need to finish a manuscript when I am over there, because basically I have nothing else to live for. Right now I’m the cherry blossom that is on the verge of blooming, but if I don’t handle myself properly, I can easily become a dead flower on the ground.