April 26, 2014

April 26, 2014

I woke up this morning with a thought “don’t think but look!”  It startled me at first, but as I slowly gained conscious  by focusing my gaze towards the bedroom window, which at times, and really depends on the time of the day, and if there is sunshine, looks like the painting by Eugène Delacroix, specifically his “Basket of Flowers.” I drained every thought from my head and just focused on the flowers that are on the window sill.  Even if I have an appointment in the morning, I always take my time in stepping out of bed.  I don’t even stretch, or make a noise, but just noticing the flowers and how that petals react to the breeze or wind outside.  Also I have a large tree outside the window, which also causes a distinctive degree of lighting that makes shadows against the ceiling, as I lay on my back.  It is just my version of going to the cinema, but without the narration nonsense.

By my bedside I have a 1950s era Califone 42V, Promenade II direct drive portable turntable and I only play one album on this, and that is a recording by Ma Rainy, the mother of the blues.  In the 20s, she made over 100 recordings, which for me, define that era.  Some feel the blues or jazz is only good for evening life, but I totally disagree with that theory.   The ability to kick life at its shin, is a good way to begin the day.  I prepare breakfast, and rarely do I change the food or procedure.  I only like to eat English muffins with peanut butter from Whole Foods Markert and sugarless jam of assorted flavors.  I tend to have at the very least, ten different jars of jam in my 1950 Frigidaire refrigerator.   I like to sit in the kitchen on a stool by a portable card table, facing the window above the sink.  Due to the building across the way, I don’t get direct sunlight in the kitchen, but that’s perfectly OK with me.  I only like the sunlight in my bedroom.

I only take baths, and never a shower.  What I like to do is sponged my body before I enter the bathtub.  The water has to be the correct temperature of 101 F or 38 C, considering that the average body temp of a man is 98.6 F. Once I put in a few drops of avocado oil in the water, I step in.  This is where I either do my meditation, besides my mental bedroom window procedure, or read a book.  What I strongly recommend is “Culture and Value” by Ludwig Wittgenstein (translated by Peter Winch).  It’s a fantastic collection of remarks that are beautifully written.   One quote that comes to mind is “I never more than half succeed in expressing what I want to express.  Actually not as much as that, but by no more than a tenth.  That is still worth something.  Often my writing is nothing but ‘stuttering.’ “ I often reflect on what he is saying here. Well, only in the bathtub. Nevertheless I often feel that my thoughts are not possible to express verbally, and often I find this frustrating.  I spent a great deal of time in front of a blank notebook, just trying to fill the blank pages with thoughts that can’t be expressed on a page.

I don’t read French and I have never read A. E. van Vogt, but I do have a copy of his novel “Le Monde des Å” (The World of Null-A) in French, which is translated by Boris Vian.   Me, being such a hardcore Vian fan, I needed to not only own the book, but I often try to read it, even though I can’t even pronounce French words.  But I like the thought of reading this book in French.   I have heard that the French sub-culture youth group Zazous, used to carry English language books to look more cosmopolitan, and that is something that I totally concur with.  Not only that, but I feel text can be not only read, but also felt in an emotional sense or even on another dimension.   When you get down to it, I only want to face the world in my ability to see what I want to look at, but also, and if possible, through vocabulary.