June 25, 2014
The one thing I fear yet feel comfort in is boredom. What gives me a great sleep at night, is realizing that I have nothing planned for the next day, and therefore the feeling that nothing will happen and time will sort of stand still, becomes a mantra as I close my eyes into a dark void. When I dream, it is always something anxiety driven, and it is mostly the fear of time passing by. When I wake up in the morning I realize this feeling is not only a dream, but the way of life for me. One can fill one’s life with things-to-do, such as marketing, gardening, making sure the trash is out for the pick-up, recycle items are in their proper bins, water the plants around the house, and keep daily schedules in check, by making sure you eat your meals at a certain time in the day, and if you assignments or deadlines, make sure you keep them and most important keep to the schedule. But the truth is I find all of that really boring.
Daily routines are boring. Right now I have a schedule where I write every morning till 11 or noon, take a bath to read, and then back on to the computer to work on another writing assignment. The one thing one can’t write about is boredom. There comes to a point where you’re just trying to concentrate on the words on your screen or page, and it becomes totally abstract. It does not have any meaning, because what you are writing is basically coming from the core of your or one’s boredom.
Boredom is recognizing time passing and being unable to fill it with meaningful activity or thoughts. I think our whole culture is based on our being forced to embrace a process that clearly doesn’t work. We have so many choices on the Internet, and on TV, yet, you slowly realize that those choices are not really that many, even it is technically, at least appearance sake, seems many. The only thing we’re left with is a sense of helplessness, which in turn becomes boredom.
Gambling, sexual activity, roaming the streets with no thought of destination offers moments of freedom from boredom, but to attack it at its very core, means that we have to redefine what is life, and that alone is not an easy task. What I do is learn to embrace the boredom, and try to find some inspiration from it. The wall in front of you is hard, but once you break to the other side, well, maybe another wall - nevertheless we learn to make a series of choices that are actually not choices, but sort of little prisons. The thing is we all have the ability to design our prison to our own making.