Tosh Berman on Anna Biller's Debut Novel "Bluebeard's Castle" (Verso, 2023)

 

Tosh Berman on Anna Biller's Debut Novel "Bluebeard's Castle" (Verso, 2023)

Tosh on Alexandra Auder's memoir "Don't Call Me Home"

 

Tosh on Alexandra Auder's memoir "Don't Call Me Home"

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Subscribe either for free, or by a paid subscrition to the World of Tosh Berman on substack. It is here I post my critical as well as fictional writings. And some memoir writings as well. Here: https://tosh.substack.com

Photo still from Anna Biller's film VIVA. Tosh Berman and his wife Lun*na is in this scene.

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P.S. Film still from Anna Biller's film "Viva."

June 4, 2014

June 4, 2014

I woke up in near panic thinking today is on this day that where people will figure I’m just a fraud.   I have always thought that, but I pretty much hid that view point from my fellow (and non-fellow) citizens.  Writing is very much of a performance. Some use the stage or to be discovered in front of a camera and a set.  I, on the other hand, need a pen and paper to explore worlds that I really know nothing about.  The readers out there who read my daily posts may feel that I’m smart, a good writer even, but the truth is I’m a total failure.  I’m not being down on myself, but being honest as much as possible in front of friends, neighbors, and the general public that is currently known as Facebook.  What the hell was I thinking of when I told Jarett Kobek and William E. Jones that I would participate in their event at the Echo Park Film Center?

I have a tendency to say “yes” to invitations, including dinner, due that I’m fearful of being forgotten or not remembered in my lifetime.  Also the thought of missing a free dinner sometimes keeps me awake at night, but alas, as far as I know, there is no dinner invites after the event tonight.  More likely I should get something to eat before going to the film center.  Nevertheless I must have been insane to say yes, due to the fact that Jarrett and William are two brilliant writers and thinkers, and without a doubt it will take only moments when they realize that I’m a total fraud.  I will be talking to the two artistic figures in front of an audience, mostly there because they’re fans of William and Jarett’s books. Which, I say, I’m a fan as well.  Shouldn’t I be sitting in the audience?  Now, it is too late because I said yes and I just have to roll with the punches tonight, which if I’m lucky enough, would not mean being kicked out of the building, and the neighborhood of Echo Park.

Speaking of the Echo Park Film Center, it is run by a gentleman named Paolo Davanzo, who by coincidence was in Anna Biller’s masterpiece film “Viva.” Paolo was exceptional in the role of “Elmer” a hippie free love naked man who almost rapes “Viva” played with incredible insight by Anna Biller herself.  Surely he will know that I’m a fraud within seconds of yours truly entering his building.  At the moment, I’m dreading the entire day in front of me.  For most, the June Fourth Incident is the Tiananmen Square Massacre, but to me it will surely be my event tonight.  My stomach is already in knots, and I'm thinking of an exit plan, but nothing is clear in my head.

I feel I need to re-read the three books by Jarrett, especially “BTW” and “Atta” because they’re brilliant works, and I need to drop a quote of some sort during our discussion on stage tonight regarding the reading, but I don’t know if I can, due to my nervousness in front of an audience.  When others are chatting, I know I am going to be thinking what others are thinking of me at that moment.  I’m not even sure if they care, I mean, I even had a haircut yesterday, just for this event.  My wife will be there, and surely after 25 years of marriage she must know that there is something wrong with me.  They say “love is blind,” and I’m so grateful for that fact.  On the other hand the audience tonight may not know me, which is good in my favor, but if they do know… well, surely they don’t love me.

William, due to the fact that he’s a curator, visual artist, filmmaker & video maker, will surely know something is wrong tonight, and it is the guy with the initials TB.  In this case, the disease fits the man to a “T.” Both Bill and Jarett did a whole book on having a conversation with a prominent writer or thinker.  For instance, Bill has a new book out that is a book length chat with the filmmaker Thom Andersen.  The title says it all: “Thom Andersen/WIlliam E. Jones.” It doesn’t even need a proper title - because the book says it all.  Jarett also did a book length talk with the great thinker and writer Iain Sinclair called “Walking is a Radical Act.” Now here lies the problem, Thom Andersen, William E. Jones, Jarett Kobek, Iain Siinclair, and Tosh Berman.   The wrong music note is my very name!

Writing is a very solitude affair, and yet, one hopes that it will reach a public of some sort.  The thing is I am very untalented and not that smart as a thinker.  I do have a certain amount of charm, and there is a tad of a Tom Ripley in my soul, but beyond that I’m just a mirror that people glaze at and hopefully the reflection that comes back at them is OK.   Time will tell.

February 1, 2014

Photo by Relah Eckstein from her film "The Room"

February 1, 2014

Checking my bank accounts, I can see clearly that I am going broke.  Not working for the past year and a half has been a fantastic time spent writing and thinking, but now it is high time to think about going back to the work force.  Checking my skills, the most logical occupation for me would be an actor in films.   Never mind the fact that the last film I was in “French Toast” hasn’t been finished yet.  Nevertheless my filmography is very impressive, being a child actor in Andy Warhol’s “Tarzan and Jane Regained... Sort Of” and turning down a role in Dennis Hopper’s “Easy Rider.” Plus being the star in Relah Eckstein’s films. I felt I had a better chance to get maybe a role in a situational TV show or even probably a commercial.  

I chose to avoid the middle-man, and I approached a movie studio, The Black Maria, to see if they were doing any hiring for film work.  I was realistic in knowing my chances to be a star in a film was pretty glum, but for sure I could get a second or third billing role in some film.  The only photograph of myself in a film was in Relah’s “The Room” which was made in the 80s, but I sent it with a resume.  Within a week, I received a letter from a producer at the studio by the name of William Taylor.  He asked if I could fly out to New Jersey (where the studio was located) for screen tests.  I said sure, and I was on my way.

When I showed up two days later at Mr. Taylor’s office, bright and early in the morning, he looked over the one image he has of me from “The Room.” he told me that I didn’t look anything like the photograph.   Which I replied “Well I’m an actor sir, and I really don’t have an identity.  I can melt into any character or role. That is my speciality.”  

He then commented that as far as he could tell, I have only worked on four Relah Eckstein films, plus an early Warhol, and a cameo in Anna Biller’s “Viva.” I told him that I was very choosey.

He looked at me and then laugh, and he said “you got the spirit man, and I like that in a male.” He asked me to take off my shirt.  I thought that was odd, since I was 59 years old, but on the other hand I have been known to make women swoon to this very day.   He did a series of photographs of me without the shirt on his I-Phone, which I thought to myself. “Wow technology is so fantastic. ”

After he finished taking the photos, he came to me, and put his hand on my knee and said “I think you got something.” He went back to his desk and threw me a script.  I was trying to catch it, but it landed in a gold fish bowl.    He just glanced at me with his eyes and made a movement with his hands that I should get it out of the fish bowl.  It was just a little script. In fact it was only five pages long.  I asked him “Is this the entire script?” He shook his head up and down.  

“It was written by the great S.J. Perelman for a Marx Brothers film, but Groucho didn’t want to play it.” He told me that the script was in his drawer for numerous years, till Takashi Murakami came to visit the studio and told him he just wanted to make his first American film.  By chance, Taylor showed Murakami the script, which he also threw at him, and he missed catching it, and again, it landed in the fish bowl.  Murakami loved the idea that the script was only five pages long, and basically silent, except for some sound effects.  

As an actor I was turned on to the fact that this was a silent film, and in reality I specialized in silent movie work.  Relah refused me to speak in her films because of my squeaky voice.  I told Taylor that I loved Murakami’s paintings, and was ready to work in this film.   Taylor just starred at me for a minute or so without saying a word then he said “we got a deal! ”