The Sunday Series: Sunday December 6, 2015

The Sunday Series
Sunday December 6, 2015

I’m offended when people treat me like if I am Mr. Peepers.  I do tend to read and wear glasses. But that doesn’t mean I don’t go to the dark world every so often.   There is a website called “Red Tube, which is a porn site.  It’s not really the actual sex that turns me on, but the situation that the girls are placed in.   There is a series of videos called “Calendar auditions, ” where the producer (or he works for the “company”) invites women to his office where he interviews them for a job as a greeter for an online calendar website.  She is supposed to say “Hi guys, I’m so-so, and have a nice day.” She is then required to spin around, show her ass a bit, and that’s it.  The producer basically seduces the woman and has sex with them in front of his camera.  I have seen at least ten of these videos, and all of them have really attractive girls in them.   Also, every one of them is exactly the same.  Even the same dialogue.

For one, I’m fascinated with the actual location where these segments are filmed.  They are either in an abandoned office space, or in some funky apartment that has no personal items whatsoever.   There are blank walls, and usually a bed and that’s it.  The one’s that take place in an actual office is just a table and a leather couch.  Again, very minimal.   I get the impression that the office is located in a big building, which probably has security on the ground floor.  

The video starts (always) focusing on the shoes of the producer.  He’s holding the camera and never stops holding the camera even when having sex with the girl. If the girl is hesitant, he comes up to her and with her permission he touches her cheek.  Time-to-time, he would have the girl hold the camera, mostly on her face, when he is either doing her from the behind, or going down on her.   The actual work desk has nothing on it.  No laptop computer or pen or pencils.  Totally and absolutely nothing. Every video, he has sex with her on or by the table.   The one’s that take place either in a hotel or apartment. Also totally blank.   There is nothing to look at, except the girl.  Every time I see the decor, I wonder what the models thought once they entered the premise.  All of them are nervous. Like they know they are entering a place that they shouldn’t have.

This is where I have to admit something.   I’m totally turned on.  Yet, totally repulsed as well.   I have always read, and this, mostly in the mainstream media, about how some male, got a girl to come to his location, and somehow convinced them to do sex, and then eventually, this person posts the footage of the sexual activity online.  That is beyond disgusting.  On the other hand, I’m glad that I don’t do these things. But I’m attracted to these types of videos where these things happen.   I hate myself after watching them, but….

You know, you're in front of your computer, and you may have a drink or two, and let your fingers type away - and bingo, you end up on the Red Tube site.    I make sure no one is looking at me while watching the videos.  I can never understand the enjoyment of watching porn with another.   Sex is such a private manner, and that includes watching pornography.   It’s a world that is not this world.  There are meditations where you place yourself on a beach, or in the forest. Perhaps even in a hot bath, where trouble just melts away.  Porn, if done properly, will take you to an area in your life, where your mind can explore the darkness within you.   It is not even a release, but a promise of a journey of sorts.  As your eyes wander over her body, and as your host in the video, is doing what you would want to do - the feeling can leave you both depressed and of course, shamed, at the same time.  The thing is, you will realize that there is not a better tomorrow.

As a citizen of this world, I have become attracted to things I shouldn't be.   For one, I live in a world that says "No" to anything that is provocative.  To taste the unknown, and swallow it down, so that one becomes part of what is forbidden, is part of the pleasure.  Am I happy about this?  No.  In fact, I hate myself for even thinking of such a thing.  Yet, what is there or what 'can' be there, can easily be here.  What I want is a workplace that has nothing on the walls, a desk with nothing on it, and a video camera or two.  I would make and arrange appointments.   All vague.  Yet, we tend to wander without a map.   We follow our desires to the strangest places.

The moment I feel free is when I’m watching videos from RedTube, and thinking about my workplace and how it can be effective as a location for pleasure.   A pleasure that will never come to me, but often desired.   I watch Red Tube, and therefore I am.