A Short Story by Tosh Berman

I buy art like others buy blankets to keep them warm in a freezing night.  I figured if it gets too cold I can burn the painting for warmth.  Excellent investment for one's mental and physical health.  I went to a poster shop in Westwood where they sell 20th-century prints of famous paintings. It was here where I purchased a print of Caravaggio's "The Incredulity of Saint Thomas, originally painted sometime between 1601-1602, but the reprint made in 2004.  

The owner of the shop there at the time, Mr. Gagosian, had a wide selection of prints to buy, or even rent if one is on a budget.   I was taught at an early age never to rent or borrow and to purchase is the best policy.  Mr. Gagosian asked me what I was looking for. I told him that I wanted something that expressed the angst and worries of this sad century, but also something colorful to match the interiors of my living room.   He asked me what my budget is, and I told him that not to be concerned about budgeting and that I'm going to the boundaries of $50 to $100. 

He showed me a print of a painting by Edward Hopper, called "Chop Suey."   It's a very nice figurative painting of two women having a meal or chatting over a table, and there is a man and woman in conversation on the side of the painting.  The one thing that I found troublesome about the painting is the title.  "Chop Suey."  I didn't think the interior of the restaurant looks oriental.   And the other thing that bugs me is that one can see the signage outside the building saying 'Suey." Or to be exact, we can see the letters "U" and "E" clearly but we have to presume that the half of the "S" Is actually an "S."  And the "Y' could be easily a "V" in this painting.   I don't know why I'm focusing on the lettering of the side of the building, or perhaps what is a neon light - or even if the painting takes place in the evening.  The more I look at this painting I found it disturbing.  I asked Mr. Gagosian for a discount, due to the upsetting composition of the work.   It's initially $100, but I got it knocked down to $90.  

The other painting that caught my eye is a work by David Hockney.  "Portrait of an Artist (Pool with Two Figures)."  I prefer if the painting is called "Pool with Two Figures."   I don't think we need the word artist in the title. Since it's a painting by an artist, why put a focus on artist again.  It's a colorful painting of a young man, who's dressed nicely looking at another young man in a swimming pool.    At first, I thought the man in the pool drowned, and we're just looking at a floating body.  But I think the artist would have called the painting  "Pool with a Dead figure and Young Man" or something of that order.  Still, I love the mountain range in the picture, and the composition is excellent. Plainly worth the $100, but then Mr. Gagosian told me that this print would be $150.  To my surprise, he wouldn't go down from that price.  I then immediately walked out of the store, thinking he would stop me.  I turned around the corner and again, to my surprise, he didn't run after me. I then walked back into his shop, and he knew I would pay the full price of $150.   

Nevertheless, for a total of $240 (plus sales tax), I can bring two decent paintings back to my home.   I learned that one should never fret over art prices, and to do so will make you look or sound cheap.  The worth of art is something beyond currency.  Although the money of a Monopoly game does look good. 

- Tosh Berman