July 10, 2014
For a long time, I went to bed early. It was like I couldn’t wait till the day to end, and I would embrace the darkness that came upon me as a blessing of sorts. I usually read in bed before I fall asleep, and I was reading “My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla, ” which I think gave me an insane dream that night. It seemed that there was a room in my house that is devoted to experiments of all sorts. Sort of between a science laboratory and a movie set, where everything was made out of cheap cardboard. I was working in this area, realizing that maybe where I’m working does not really exist. Yet, I kept on working on an experiment that needed a great deal of electricity. But I couldn’t find a workable electric socket. Once I try to plug in my machine and the socket would itself would tear into two. The dream woke me up, and I had hard time going back to sleep. Then in that natural state between wanting to sleep and not being able to sleep, I thought of girls. The one dream girl that I have always been infatuated with is the actress Sue Lyon.
Although I know she is in “Lolita,” I don’t think the fact that she is young that made the erotic impression on me, but when she dressed up in costume, for instance, her stage play in the film, I found her enticing. She wasn’t beautiful in that sense, but there was something nasty about the way she looked in those scenes. I think it is her mouth which is sneering, and that is the first thing on her face one notice, and then I slowly look up to the eyes, which confirm her sneer. I imagine being in bed with her, and me on top of her, with that expression on her face looking at me. Face-to-face. A perfect l life of sorts, that is imagined, yet I was sleepless.
Foolishly, I turned on my reading light and went back to the Tesla book. I felt that there was only one lane on a highway, and I was on that road, and one could only move forward. I was reading chapter five “The Magnifying Transmitter, ” when I started to think of the Telstar satellite. It successfully relayed through space the first television pictures, telephone calls, fax images and gave us the first live transatlantic television feed. All in 1962, which was a period of a brief optimism, before the nightmare started. Nevertheless there is something sad about the Telstar rotating around the earth (as of October 2013), and being dead.
The lightness of the Dawn sneaks in between the window curtain folds, and I curse myself for not being able to sleep. I got up and made myself a pot of coffee, by actually pouring hot water over the grinder coffee beans and slowly watch the water disappear into the darkness. I imagine that it looked like a landscape from a distant planet, and I wonder how can I turn my brain off. I looked at my calendar and realize that I better start wring my journal entry for today. I’m starting to realize that I shouldn’t go to bed so early, because I tend to wake up within three or four hours, and it is almost impossible for me to get back to sleep. I work by my turntable, and I put on a vintage vinyl copy of Ian Whitcomb’s “You Turn Me On, ” which is something I kept from my childhood. My father took me to see him on some club on the Sunset Strip, and he wore a really nice stripped shirt, that for some reason, stayed with me. Non-sleep night brings up memories, that are just not that important.