Tosh's Journal: September 2nd

Tosh's Journal

September 2nd

I can't forget the night I met you. That's all I'm thinking of, and now you call it madness, but I call it love. Alone from night to night, you'll find me. I'm too weak to break the chains that bind me. For one command, I stand and wait now, from one who's master of my fate now." It is like you never died, or maybe you've been dead for a long time. No one told me that you left the earth. They played your records and said to me that these were recent radio broadcasts. The letters I read from you, till recently realized that they were not from you, but signed by another to give an appearance of your being near me. My dream is broken in two, but it can be made like new on the street of dreams.

You're too beautiful for words. Alas, that is all I could offer. I started to paint because I feel that it was my former language, where I can say things I can't say, but can on canvas. I often roam inside the Jardin des Plantes, and when I go into the glasshouses, and I see the strange plants of exotic lands, it seems to me that I enter into a dream.

I wait patiently for a letter from you, but I never know if it comes from your heart, or if it is even real. When you last wrote to me, you said, "goodnight sweetheart, may dreams guide you." Ever since then, I wait for the mailman to bring some news, but the bills and advertisement to the local shopping mall, remind me how empty I feel. Will you not come back to me and give me some reason to keep on living? And I do live, but only to count the days since you have gone.

You're my everything underneath the sun and moon. My only dream, my only reality - you're the song I sing, and the book I read. When I say this to you, or write to you, I sound so dumb, but if I can add Russ Colombo's croon, then I think you understand my words, as it should be voiced.

I don't know why I love you as I do. You appeared to be interested in touching me only when we are dancing. How I long for the music to stop, and never take my arms off you. Tears without measure, my life seemed so wrong - and with a smile, you banished sorrow. But that is all changed because together we will live in dreams. Even separately. - Tosh Berman