Cary Loren's Polaroids

 

Cary Loren's Polaroids

[Who is in "Who is Lun*na Menoh" ] vol.12 - ADULT.

"On Certainty" by Ludwig Wittgenstein (Harper Torchbooks)

Reading Ludwig Wittgenstein is a series of moments when one thinks of language and what it truly means.  'I think there is a tree' and 'there's a tree' is a vast difference, that can fit an entire universe. Or at the very least in the world of Wittgenstein.  For me, I 'think' I understand Wittgenstein, but the lasting impression he has on me as a writer is to write as clearly as possible, but without surrendering the poetics in a specific description.  

For inspiration and getting my brain exercised in a natural manner, unlike reading the tweets of a specific idiot in a building in Washington DC, is my spring water that is Wittgenstein.  "On Certainty" is later Wittgenstein, and the title is actually an exact and accurate description of the book.  Wittgenstein challenges the notion of being certain through language and what one sees.  What is perhaps a given factor knowledge is in theory, challenged by Wittgenstein's observations on what certainty means to an individual or even group.  

I bought this book at John K. King Books in Detroit, Michigan.  I started reading "On Certainty" in a coffee shop in the New Center, which is a district in Detroit.  Actually in the Fisher Building.   The juxtaposition of reading this difficult book in a splendid structure was an additional pleasure for me.  Me 'being' there, or thinking I was there, is an actual thought in my head as I did know I was truly at the Fisher Building, reading Wittgenstein's "On Certainty."

- Tosh Berman

"The Detroit News" by Tosh Berman (Detroit)

I’m living in a house that was built in 1899.  It’s huge.  I don’t know what makes a home a mansion, but I feel that I’m living in one.  A house that old always has secrets within its walls, attic, and basement.   I suspect that this house was built by the Ford company for its executives.  It has two staircases.  One for the family/owner of the residence, and the other for the servants.  The servant's staircase is small, steep, and one can easily hit their head on the ceiling as you go down or up.  The other is grand and very inviting, as the other one seems like a pathway to a dark place.   Every old home has a dark path from one questionable area to another.  Or, more likely a path from lightness to dark. 

Upstairs being the lightness.  Perhaps closer to the sky and its stars.  As you wander down the stairs (especially the servant’s entrance), you then turn a slight left, which will lead one to the basement. It’s here that one evening I found torn and frayed copy of “The Detroit News” from June 29, 1947.   It was near an old bottle of bootleg alcohol that for sure, came from the Canada side.   I never removed it, because I felt it was a grave site.  Perhaps not a human one, but a grave for a life spent, and I still think the spirit is in this house.  

The reason why I drink starting at 7pm every evening is that I feel the basement calling on me, to return to a tradition that stuck its tongue out to the old bitches and bastards who tell us what to do.  I don’t want to be told what to do, except by that old magic that is bottled up and sent over in a boat across the river from Canada to my mouth.  I never wanted to remove the newspaper, maybe because I feel if I touch it, it will turn to dust, or feel it’s not respectful to remove such an item placed in one’s (not mine) basement.   But I did remove the paper due that an article caught my eye.

The headline “Home Thugs Get $164,000; Bind, Gag 11”  got my attention, and as I started reading the article, it struck me the address of the robbery is where I’m living now.  It seems the house once belonging to, or at least he was the tenant, a Lewis Weiner, who had a party to raise money for a synagog building fund. It was a quartet of thieves, and they all wore masks and had revolvers.   None were hurt, thank god, but the funny thing is that I notice the date of this newspaper item is June 24, which was the date that I discovered this newspaper in the basement. 

The Purple Gang pretty much controlled Detroit with an iron fist, and wasn’t shy in bashing someone’s head in, if the need was there.  There was a theory that Weiner was part of the Purple Gang, and an off-shoot gang did the robbery to move into the Purple Gang’s territory.  Still, my mood is wearing a blanket of darkness, and the only bright spot in the day is when I start drinking. 

The Purple Gang used to smuggle booze from Canada to Detroit, and then elsewhere if there was any extra juice after the Detroit citizens finished their supply.  The liquor stores here in the Detroit area are called “Party Stores,” but most close by 9:00 PM. I buy cases of booze and place them in the basement, exactly where I found the old bottles.  I feel it’s a tradition of great importance, both for the house and yours truly.   To the Purple Gang, and all those who failed the American dream in their fashion on this day of despair, July 4th.  - Tosh Berman, Detroit. 

The Sunday Series: Sunday July 12, 2015

The Sunday Series:

Sunday July 12, 2015

Today being Sunday I just heard the news that the bid I put in for Detroit's Fisher Building (1928), as well as the near-by Albert Kahn (1930) building was the top price - and I have both buildings for 12.2 million dollars.   A tad beyond my budget, yet, it is always wise to jump into the flames than run around it.  First of all, the Fisher Building is located on 3011 West Grand Boulevard, not far from the Motown Museum.   Like the other building with his name, Albert Kahn designed The Fisher Building.  The building was built and commissioned by the Fisher Brothers, who had a company called "Fisher Body" who made the bodies for automobiles.  The building mostly consists of office space with retail on the bottom two floors.  There is likewise the Fisher Theater, which is an elaborate 2,089 seats - mostly focusing on Broadway related musicals.  Now, the building housed the headquarters for the Detroit Public Schools - which I may just have to kick out, because of my plans for the space. 

The building is 28 stories high, and I plan to have my living quarters on the top floor.  To wake up in the morning (or even in the evening) and to look over Detroit, will make me feel like a king or emperor.   A little over a week ago, I visited the Fisher Building, where I walked on every floor - room to room, office to office, and even through its various storage rooms. I wonder how long would it take for me to use every toilet in this remarkable building.  For my entire life, I had an empire in my mind, but now the palace will be in front of me.  I can even bring over guests. 

With some assistance from the "Welcome to Detroit" website, I'm hoping to invite a few hundred over for dinner and drinks.  It is important to welcome the citizens of Detroit to my new home.   I know it must feel strange to have a stranger move into such an iconic structure such as The Fisher Building - and on top of that, also the Albert Kahn building, which is in walkable distance from the Fisher as well.  

The Albert Kahn Building was built and commissioned by Fisher Brothers as well.  It was completed in 1931, and is ten-stories high.   There is an underground tunnel connecting the two buildings together.  At one time, Saks Fifth Avenue department store had the grand floor - but alas, that was in the past.  In fact, a lot of things were in the past.  There have been many mistakes, and promises broken, but now, it is time to look at the present and perhaps even in the future. 

To be truthful, I have never cared for people.  On the other hand, always was fascinated by architecture - especially skyscraper buildings.  I love the idea of a structure that comes from the imagination, and therefore an ideal portrait of a human.  Living day-in and day-out and accepting one's limitations strikes me as an act of cruelty.  To stand a few miles away from your structure and thinking 'it is mine, ' is surely one of the higher moments one can experience.   In real estate, 12.2 million is not that much.  Yet for that amount, I get giddy with excitement that is similar to removing my pants in front of a beautiful woman.  To stand erect in front of a beauty, is surely a series of moments that I treasured.  I at one time, many years ago, was wandering around Grand Avenue, and since no one was around I did just that - I removed my trousers.  As I felt the blood racing in my loins, I looked up at the Fisher Building swearing one day that it will be mine.

Who could have foreseen the financial collapse of Detroit?  It seemed that I wished it upon this great city, so I can obtain the building of my dreams.  The capitalist mode of production is where one can lose everything and where one can win all at the same time.  I have lost, with great intensity, but I never lost sight of my goal.  To obtain a vision, that will clearly be my self-portrait.  The Fisher Building will now be known as "Tosh Towers," or "TT."   I'm clearly thinking of having the whole building to myself.  So I can wander from floor to floor without seeing another - and perhaps I would hire a small crew to handle the elevators. It would be nice to come here in the morning or evening if there is a need, and have them greet me as I enter the grand door. 

The Sunday Series: Sunday July 5, 2015 (Detroit)

The Sunday Series

Sunday July 5, 2015

I wouldn't say he is a hero, but clearly the blood that runs in Henry Ford's veins are the same as mine.  I too have a passion to run an empire.  To organize a series of assembly lines to produce a product or better yet, a beautiful piece of machinery, is like kissing the devil on the lips.  I never liked working for anyone, because I don't like to be told what to do.  I like to do the telling.  No boss over me and watching me sweats over his dreams.  There is only one dream, and that dream is mine and mine alone.  There is nothing more beautiful than an industry making sounds in a factory.   Day-in-day-out is poetry in rhythm.  The meditation of eight or so hours spent in a large room with your employees making a vision - not their's, but your vision, which is pure poetry.  The kind of balladry that is popular and beautiful for everyone.  Today, being Sunday, and I'm in Detroit, I like to look back when I lost control when I came face-to-face with the man who sold the world.  

To be in the mind set of Henry Ford, I have read his four volume set of books "The International Jew."  Nazi Youth leader, Baldur von Schirach, was quoted at the Nuremberg Trials that Henry Ford was the most influential American, a figure that German youth can look up to.  In Hitler's office, there was both a portrait of Henry Ford as well as a well-thumbed copy of the "International Jew" on his desk.   I have spent a great deal of money and capital to obtain copies of books that Ford had in his personal library.   Although personal funds don't allow me to live in his mansion or even the same-size type of house, I can for sure make my bedroom into a tribute to Henry Ford.   Here in Detroit, whenever I walk on the streets, I see his magic on almost every object and structure.  

Antoine de La Mothe-Cadillac, a French explorer and adventurer, is credited as finding "Detroit," in 1701, but it is Ford that made and put Detroit on the map.  Even though the origin of the word "Detroit" is French, make no mistake, that Detroit is all-American.  This city of champions, in everything from making the perfect automobile to the superb athletes who win for the city.   This is where I belong.  With the winners, not the whiners. 

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." I found a tailor in Detroit to dress me close as possible to Henry Ford.  The pictures I have seen of him, I admired the suits that were tailored made for him.  A man without a suit is like a man without a city.  I never like looking at failure in the eyes.  My thinking is "don't find fault, find a remedy."   The one thing I hate about my life is whenever I felt doubt about something.  I can feel it in my stomach.  The sense of feeling displaced either by history or by a group of people, is a terrifying prospect.  I don't even want to go there.  "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right."   I need to get on the right side of history, and never balance myself on that moveable line in the sand.  

Detroit is a paradise as a dream.  From my second story bedroom window, i can see the Fisher Building, and one day, I will be able to walk through its golden entrance and the doorman who opens the double door, and the boutique  as well as the gentlemen's shop on the first floor, will know me by name.  "Welcome Mr. Berman, may we serve you."

The Sunday Series: Sunday June 28, 2015

The Sunday Series:

Sunday June 28, 2015

Till very recently I lived in Los Angeles, to be more specific, in the Silver Lake area, and I decided to move.   I feel I have been good for the city, but in return Los Angeles has been total shit to me.  I held a job for 25 years, and then suddenly, without any prior warning, was let go.  Damned for doing the right things and damned for the wrong.  I have always tried to do the right thing, but alas, like George Raft flipping one of his gold coins, I have to take the bad with the good.  Being human, I couldn't take the bitterness that started from my mouth to the stomach area, I just had to move and start a new life in a new location.  Also living in Los Angeles I felt like I wasn't in America, due to Japan and the rest of Asia was across from the large pond and my occasional visits to New York City, felt like I was visiting Europe.   It was then that I decided to move to Detroit, Michigan.

I got a job as a receptionist in a little recording studio on Grand Boulevard called Hitsville U.S.A. My job there, is to take care of their treasure trove of signed dated contracts, photographs, posters, and correspondence.   The thing is I want to make music and I found myself drawn to the recording studio on the first floor. It is a very small studio, but I have seen the space crammed full of musicians as well as the singer.  In the neighborhood, I found a girl group called "The Primettes.   They were singing in front of the Fisher Building on Grand Bouvelard.  As they were passing the bucket for donations, instead of money, I put in my business card inside the bucket - it read: Tosh Berman, Hitsville U.S.A.

Me and the three girls that make up the Primettes had coffee at Stella International Cafe, located on the ground floor inside the Fisher Building.  Since I was the record label guy (of sorts), I paid for their coffee.   For some odd reason, I can still remember how they liked their coffee.  Florence and Mary like it black, but Diana insisted on fresh cream and one little pack of sugar.  Diana stirred her coffee in a very slow and thoughtful manner.  I started to hum a melody in my head, and Florence sort of did a counter-melody to it, and Diane started to make up lyrics right there at the coffee shop.   I thought up of the title "Tears of Sorrow" which strikes me as a good dynamic and dramatic title.  Diane agreed and she started to play with the lyrics against the melody.

"A fresh cream in the tea
In a building of gold,
Can never take you away from me
Tears of Sorrow, Tears of grief
I do follow my heart"

From the coffee shop/Fisher Building, we walked to the Hitsville U.S.A. office & recording studio to see if we could record the song.  I found Earl in the studio and asked him to round up the musicians.  He got Joe, James (an incredible bass player), Papa Zita &Pistol on drums and Joe on guitar.  The beauty of America, is even though I was practically chased out of Los Angeles, but still, I was able to get a job as a receptionist here in Detroit, and there is even possibility of making a hit record.  My gut instinct tells me on I'm on a roll here.

After the successful session (my very first as a producer as well as a songwriter) I rushed the tapes to Archer Record Pressing on Davison Street.  I had to walk there, because I don't drive nor do I own a car.  This I feel is information I should keep secret from other Detroitians.   Within hours, we had our seven-inch single, backed by another song I wrote "Pretty Baby" on the flip side.   I went to the big boss Barry's office to show and play him the single.  Since I was not only an employee at his company, I was also a non-musician composer - in fact, I'm just the receptionist and I don't even have pretty legs if you get my drift.

There is something about Detroit that inspires one's soul - is it their water or air?  No, I think it is due that there is so much manufacturing in this city.  Cars, and of course music.  It is like Cupid took his bow out and the arrow hit bulls eye on the entire landscape of Detroit.  I could never tell if I arrived at paradise as it is opening up their arms to me, or is it the end, and I'm just seeing the rays of love leave the town.  Nevertheless, I'm here with a seven-inch single in my hand and I'm in Barry's office.

First thing he said to me when I entered into his office was "Who are you?"  Which comes to mind, that is a very good question.  Who are we all?  I told him that I'm the new receptionist, but I made a record with a new girl group and used the Funk Brothers as a back-up band, and that I co-wrote the song as well as produced it - all of course at Hitsville U.S.A.   He's impressed of course, so he OK's the release.    Barry as he sat behind his big oak desk, looked a lot like Che Guevara.  Since I worked here, I have seen him drive a diesel van, and I know he kept his gun in quiet seclusion - in many ways a humble man.  He has caused a panic in the air, or at the very least in Detroit.  I greatly admire him.  I wanted to tell him this, but he's not the type of guy to hear compliments from guys like yours truly.  He went downstairs to the studio with me, to meet the gals.

When he saw Diana, he froze.   I got the feeling something happened between them, but as I mentioned, Cupid for sure has his arrows pointed towards Detroit.  If you got that notion, I second that emotion.