Tosh's Journal: September 16 (Korla Pandit)

TOSH’S JOURNAL

September 16

I was obsessing over Korla Pandit, both the man and his music when walking towards the Central Library in Los Angeles. I looked up at the Standard Hotel to hopefully get a glance of someone up there. Usually, when I’m on the street level, I don’t see a thing. But I saw a sole man, looking at the view of downtown from the roof. I immediately thought if he was going to jump. When I went into the library and began working on my memoir, I read on Facebook that a man jumped from the pool/roof area of the Standard Hotel just now. I felt terrible because I thought maybe that guy up there picked up on my thoughts about jumping. But to be honest, I often think about that. While walking around downtown, due to the tall buildings, one is always aware that someone can topple over the roof or their window, and hit you while you’re strolling along the boulevard. When I read the responses to that post, regarding the unfortunate soul who jumped, most didn’t comment on his suicide, but more to the fact that it is unsafe to walk around the downtown area. One person mentioned that a bowling ball almost hit him while he walked past a ten-story building. Whoever had that bowling ball, used it to keep their window open, for air, I guess.

Nevertheless, I went back to my writing and thinking about Korla Pandit. I find him fascinating, because one, I love the sound of the organ. Pandit was an incredible musician, and myself being attracted to visually stimulating people, found him magnificent. He used to have a show called “Korla Pandit’s Adventures in Music” that was broadcasted every weekday on the Los Angeles TV station KTLA. He never spoke but looked dreamily into the camera while performing his music. Each episode was 15 minutes long. He looked like he came from somewhere exotic, such as India. He had a white turbine and usually wore a tuxedo. One story I heard was that he was born in New Delhi to a Brahmin priest and a French opera singer who traveled from England to India. Eventually, the family made it to the United States.

At the time he was doing his weekday TV series, he also did the music for the radio drama series “Chandu the Magician.” The main character Frank Chandler (“Chandu”) had the ability to teleport, astral project, mesmerize, as well as project illusions. He learned the secrets of the occult from the Yogis in India. In many ways, Korla looked like Chandu the Magician. Chandler, after learning the secrets of the occult was told by his Yogi teacher to “Go forth in the youth and strength and conquer the evil that threatens Mankind.”

As one knows, evil is everywhere. Kierkegaard has commented that “Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil, no wonder, then, that the world goes backward, that evil spreads.” If one can lose oneself into an exotic world, then I feel that there is hope to at the very least, force evil back into the Pandora’s box. By instinct, I feel Korla brings Eastern wisdom into the Western world, or at least he did so when he did his 15-minute television show. Not saying a word, and looking into the camera, and playing his organ, he speaks with significant volume. Even with my slight knowledge of Korla Pandit and Chandu the Magician, I couldn’t save the man on the top of the Standard Hotel. To do good, one needs to be a professional. -Tosh Berman

May 5, 2014

May 5, 2014

People understand me so little that they do not even understand when I complain of being misunderstood.  One thing I realize is that I need to be clear about “what am I to do,” not “what I must know.”  What I do know is that what I write in my journal, much of what I have simply jotted down carelessly, would become of great importance and have a great effect; for then people would have grown reconciled to me and would be able to grant me what was, is my right.

I met a woman many years ago, that I wished to marry.  But due to my melancholy I decided this wasn’t a good idea for her or me.  I needed the space to roam with my thoughts.  I think truly I’m the most happiest when I leave my house, and at that point, I decide if I should go turn to my left or right.  I tend not to take an interest in getting to a certain place, but more interested in the journey getting there.  And ‘there’ usually becomes a forgotten goal within 20 minutes of my walk.  So being in a relationship is very much of a narrative structure where one leads to another, in a normal fashion.  But I can’t possibly follow such a narrative, because all my life I have been drawn to a world where chance takes prominent place in how and why I do things.

“How should I live?” is the first sentence that comes in mind when I wake up.  I’ve been working off and on a novel that I can’t finish, “Scorpion and Felix, ” which so far, is about three characters and their quest to uncover their origins.  I toil for at least three to four hours a day on this novel, and so far I haven’t gone beyond fifty pages of notes, and one finished paragraph.   The disappointment I feel on a consistent basis takes a lot out of me, and now considering to give up this book, and focus on writing philosophy.  While I was having my lunch at Café de la Régence, I ran into an old friend, Fred, who suggested that I should go with him to see “The Mark of Zorro, ” which is on a double-bill with “Nightmare Alley.” My original plan was to come back home after lunch to work on “Scorpion and Felix,” but realized that my impulse was to go to the movies. As I sat there with my friend in the darken theater, I pretty much paid more attention to my thoughts than watching the movie.  

As the images of “Nightmare Alley” appeared in front of me, I chose to follow my instincts and not allow myself to follow someone else’s instincts or thoughts.  The role of fate in one’s life is very important.  And the way I look at fate, I regard it as a throw of dice against a movie screen, where I will follow the numbers, if not pre-planned.  As a kid, I watched a TV show called “Sugarfoot, ” which made a huge impression on me.

The main character, Tom Brewster, is an Easterner who comes to the wild west to become a lawyer.  Due that he doesn’t have an ounce of cowboys skills he is called by the local population “Sugarfoot.” In each episode he uses his intelligence against those who carry guns, and in his mild manner, wins the day.  I was attracted to the actor who played Tom, due to his beauty, but also the fact that he was so non-wild west looking. If somehow I can bring that to the art of writing, I will be ahead of the game.

When I watch my current favorite TV show, “Mad Men,” I’m struck speechless watching Pete committing the same mistakes, due to a lack of vision, that he clearly ignores within himself, but I get the feeling he’s not following his instincts, but is totally part of his world on Madison Avenue, and therefore ’stuck’ in the role of his own making.  So yes, one can wonder, once I leave the house, if I will turn left, right, or go straight ahead.