The World of Tosh Berman, May 29, 2021 (My Last Taix Meal With Her)

 

"My Last Taix Meal With Her"

"The World of Tosh Berman" Saturday, May 29, 2021. "My Last Taix Meal With Her."

The World of Tosh Berman, Wednesday, May 26, 2021 (Bar)

 

https://tosh.substack.com/p/bar  

The latest episode of "The World of Tosh Berman. Wednesday, May 26, 2021 - Bar.

The World of Tosh Berman, Friday, May 21, 2021 (Screamers)

 

https://tosh.substack.com/p/screamers  

A commentary on a few moments of great importance with respect to the great SCREAMERS.

The World of Tosh Berman: Monday, April 26, 2021 (The Wittgenstein Brothers)

 

https://tosh.substack.com/p/monday-april-26-2021 

The World of Tosh Berman on Wittgenstein Brothers.

The World of Tosh Berman, Wednesday, April 21, 2021 (Stu Sutcliffe)

 

https://tosh.substack.com/p/wednesday-april-21-2021 Tosh Berman on Stu Sutcliffe : Part One.

The World of Tosh Berman: Friday, April 16, 2021 (The Joy of a Stroll)

 

The World of Tosh Berman: Friday, April 16, 2021. The joy of a stroll: https://tosh.substack.com/p/friday-april-16-2021

The World of Tosh Berman: Tuesday, April 13, 2021 (My

 

The World of Tosh Berman: Tuesday, April 13, 2021. My experience at the Cinerama Dome watching "Barry Lyndon." Tuesday, April 13, 2021

The World of Tosh Berman: Saturday, April 10, 2021 (Should I Take a Walk?)

 

New Journal entry for Saturday, April 10, 2021. With visuals as well! Read it here, and do sign or subscribe to the blog please: Saturday, April 10, 2021

The World of Tosh Berman: Wednesday, April 7, 2021

 

In today's journal, I write about walking and one's library and record collection. Read it here: https://tosh.substack.com/p/wednesday-april-7-2021

June 1, 2020 (In The Year of The Trump Virus)

June 1, 2020 (In The Year of The Trump Virus)

It's fascinating to watch President Virus self-destruct in such a fashion that is not a surprise whatsoever.  He is a child that one tells not to touch the flame, and you turn your back on him, and there he is with both hands in the blaze.  I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to be a journalist and have to write about him.  Easily provoked, and since he's trapped in the White House (in theory), he is being poked by a long stick while he's in the cage growling against these advisors, family, and god who knows who else who choose to be with this piece of shit.  I can't imagine a Hell that is worse than spending social or private time with this attention addict.  I get the idea that Republicans believe that if they keep their head down and get stuff passed in the house and senate, it will be worth it. Even with that thinking, how low can a human go with smelling their asses?  How long will it take from now to when he's hanging upside down in some gas station near the White House?

On a personal level, I have work to do, with even a deadline, yet, this oxygen sucker of what some suspect is or was a man is dragging all of us into a mixture of mud and shit.  I'm not particularly eager to get my clothes dirty for such rotting pounds of flesh, AKA President Virus.  Any showbiz figure who comes to his inauguration with the Stones' "Heart of Stone" as his intro music was clearly not a good sign for the next three-and-a-half years.   Flush him and his entire world down the toilet.  I prefer his golden toilet if you don't mind.  -Tosh Berman

April 26, 2020 (In The Year of the Trump Virus)

April 26, 2020 (In the Year of the Trump Virus)

Naturally, I reflect regularly, and now in Lockdown mode, I resonate with great intensity.   I do have a regular schedule at home.  I wake up around 6:30 in the morning, when the dawn is breaking. I have become sensitive to the natural sunrise and sundown, which seems to be changing much faster lately.  When I read my calendar for something that was last week, it seems a lifetime away, yet in the present, the day goes quickly.

I'm fortunate to have a job.  I may be one of the few individuals on this planet that got a job during the Trump Virus lockdown.  I'm co-writing a film script for a French producer/art dealer, and the work keeps me occupied and not always think about the dangerous situation that we are all in at the moment.  When I do focus on the outside world (meaning outside my home), I shutter.  Still, getting food through Instacart, although expensive, is pretty consistent now, compared to a few weeks ago, where one wasn't sure if they can get food delivered to one's home.  My wife and I pretty much stay indoors, except recently I do go in the backyard and sit in the shade to read.  It's hard to believe that a week ago, it was chilly, but now it is in the 90s, and one wonders how is that even possible?

President Virus puts me in a rage, and I hate the fact that I hate him so much.  I don't have a gun, and the reason why I don't have a weapon is that if I see him walking down the street, I will shoot him.  That is not a good position in life.  Nor healthy.  So, I focus on my work.   I do keep myself informed on what's happening politically, as well as any current information regarding the Trump Virus.

Being in a lockup for me is not that difficult.  I do miss the social interactions of seeing people, even the occasional chit-chat with a Lyft driver, but what I miss the most are libraries, books, and record stores.  I tend to go to shops not only to purchase a book or music but also to unload my mind for an hour or so, by just looking at a bookshelf or record store racks.  Time-to-time I like making the noise at 8 pm, but after two or more weeks of that, it is becoming a chore.  Still, this is nothing compared to the people who are working now in saving lives, serving food either in stores or restaurants, and drivers who are still maintaining bus schedules and Lyft drivers.  I'm not here to complain but to enjoy life.  - Tosh Berman

April 4, 2020 (In The Year of the Trump Virus)

April 4, 2020 (In the Time of the Trump Virus)

The last few days, I have to say, have not been dandy. Every day brings another day of horrific news.  It is heart-wrenching to read on Facebook and elsewhere of the deaths that are tied to the Coronavirus.  It doesn't help that President Virus can't help himself, except saying disturbing statements, that sounds like the ramblings of an insane person.  To put trust in him is a no-no from common sense.  Even his supporters must be having a hard time dealing with all of this.  I think his strength is his stupidy.  Some people are comfortable with stupid. They are pleased when the bar does not rise too high; in fact, if it is buried under the ground, 20-miles down, it gives them some relief.

The only thing good about all of this is being secluded from the world. It's just me, my wife, and our record and book collection.  Due to technology, I can still do our podcast Book Musik with Kimley, as well as my current, and gratifying,  writing job.  What I do miss is human interaction with people, and not being able to visit book and record stores.  I miss that greatly.

Today, I didn't take a walk around the neighborhood, due that now I'm wearing a mask, it's hard for me to keep my glasses not fogging up. It's the little things, the so-called devil in the details, issues such as preventing one's glasses, not fogging up.  The struggle is consistent!   On the other hand, I watched and listened to 'The Band That Fell to Earth, which is a tribute Bowie group.  The singer of the band is Julian Shah-Tayler, and every Saturday, he has been on Facebook Live doing Bowie covers.  Such enjoyable fun, and I can also do the writing while he sings away.  Perfect!

In these horrifying times, it's important not to lose one's sense of humor.  Do laugh, because that is good for your soul.  And as the No. 6 says, "I'll be seeing you."

April 1, 2020 (In the Year of the Trump Virus)

April 1, 2020 (In the Year of the Trump Virus)

The day went fast. There is a disconnection when I read people’s posts on Facebook, and they are looking for things to do and/or finding enjoyable activity. But for me, I feel very busy at work, and I realize that it is contained in one’s home is usually my typical landscape. Because I’m a writer and was a publisher, the majority of my work took place in my home office. What I do miss is going to the library in Downtown Los Angeles to do work. I noticed when I leave the house to do writing, it feels like work, and therefore what I produced in the library there is something different from what I do at the home office.

Luck has it, I have a paying job staying home, and it’s a writing job. As my dad used to say regarding financial troubles, “The curtain is about to Fall.”  Well, that is precisely my situation until I got this job. It’s a great project, and I’m happy to be involved in something so interesting to me. Still, depression lurks due to hearing people passing away, which is unbelievably sad. One of my favorite films is “Barry Lyndon,” and I remember a scene where Barry joined the Army, and he is told to charge the opposite Army, but everyone in his troop is getting shot down, yet he must keep going onward. The scene is funny but very black humor as he looks at the person by his side get shot, and the fellow in the back of him, being shot, as well as the one in the front, and so forth. Every time I open the computer, I hear of another’s passing, and all of it is just terrible. Death gets closer, and already I have friends who are going through the misery of someone’s death, if not from their family.

My generation, and I was a child/teenager, went through the Vietnam War, but this is the first time I have experienced something that is felt worldwide. The sense of dread or suffering is something that we all share, and I know it’s odd, but I’m almost happy to be part of the world at this time. If I have a good day, I feel I can bring that to the world. Which reading this sounds egotistical, but I genuinely want to entertain you. Have a great evening, and stay at home as much as possible. As one gathers, you can’t really trust President Virus, so use common sense, and with fingers crossed and being aware, we will get through this odd nightmare.

March 28, 2020 (In The Year of the Trump Virus)

March 28, 2020 (In the Year of the Trump Virus)

A strange juxtaposition of clean air and nasty virus, as I take a walk around my residential block here in Los Angeles.  The last few days have been very stressful due that my 88-year old Uncle had to go to the ER at Kaiser.  My fear is two-folded:  My Uncle and his 85-year old Sister, my mom.  On an everyday basis, if I have even a slight cold, I try to stay away from their presence.  With the help from my wife and my Uncle's partner, I take care of both of them.  Mostly handling the numerous hospital visits as well as doing the regular laundry for my mom.  That is my role as the only child son, and I take the responsibility very seriously.  Therefore when the Coronavirus struck Los Angeles, I pretty much stayed in our house and communicated through the phone and computer.   Both my mom and Uncle live in the neighborhood, so it's not that difficult to see them both in either a visit or emergency.   Concerning my mom, I bring wine and bread to her front porch.  Call her.  Then when she comes to the porch, I wave to her across the street.

Usually, when my Uncle needs to stay in the hospital, I wait in the waiting room, or come on daily visits, and also when they call me in to pick him up.  Now, one can only drop the patient off, and you have to go back home, or in other words, there is no hanging out at the hospital.  This is reasonable, but then that means I have to stay near the cell phone in case there is news or the medical team asks a question.  So one is on call 24/7, which is basically why I travel very little now and stay in Los Angeles.

The good news is that he was tested twice, and both came out negative. So, that is a huge relief.  My wife and I are trying to beat the clock to fix up our studio apartment downstairs for my Uncle and partner.  30-hours ago, there was the possibility of us taking him to our home last night.   But we have no bed, and on top of that, we would have to take the Oxygen machine (ventilator) from his home to our house.  Where he lives is on the side of a hill, with a steep staircase, which even gives me the willy. If you read my memoir, you'll get the drift.  Nevertheless, talking to the administrator at Kaiser, we both decided it was best that he was taken home by ambulance and assistants to take him downstairs and then to his bed.  So, I engineered a lot of this by staying home, but with a great deal of help from Kaiser as well as my Uncle's partner.

Last night was the first night of not sleeping in dread fear of what will happen next.  Yes, the air feels fantastic, and the plants look lively, but there is a mood that puts a dark shadow across the landscape.

March 22, 2020 (In The Year of the Trump Virus)

March 22, 2020 (In the year of the Trump Virus)

I woke up at 7:00 A.M. and made myself some coffee. I've been having nightmares since the Trump Virus hit Los Angeles. Now on top of that, I have been dreaming of Nazis. Late afternoon I watched a show called "The Hunters" with Al Pacino, who heads a super team of Nazi killers who kill Nazis who live in America in 1977. Since we are in the 21st-century and surrounded by brutality, this shows violence is truly sickening. Nazi throwing darts at a young man's chest and a chess game with living people who kill each other if they are checkmated. Do I need to see this now in the crisp of total economic and health horror? Revenge is pleasing to watch only when everything in your world is OK. Things are not OK in my (our) world at the moment. 

My amusement this morning with my first cup of coffee was reading the Good Reads website. I list my entire library here and keep it up, not only because I'm obsessive, but also to keep track of the books I have or want. Even though the evil Amazon owns it, it is an excellent site for that purpose. I rarely use it for social connections, except as an author with three books published, I do push the product on their website. 

I was looking over the reviews for my book, "TOSH: Growing Up in Wallace Berman's World," and notice that there is a one-star review by Raymond Delvaux. This is what he wrote:

"It is a bit pathetic when the child of a celebrity has nothing to trade on but the fame of their parent. It is doubly pathetic when that fame is minor at best. Mr. Wallace sees to think that his father name, that of a justifiably minor artist on the fringes of the beat scene, will help him sell this tedious, aggressively aspires to middlebrow, memoir. Why anyone would be interested is beyond me, as the whole thing is the most shallow wallpaper observations peppered gratuitously with counterculture names much better known than his mediocre parent. Mr. Berman seems to think that this is enough to hold our interest and if trainspotting minor cult figures submerged in a mess of literary instant oatmeal is your thing, maybe it is. Otherwise, give this a hard pass and read something written by the real thing."

This is my first bad review. I was curious to know who Mr. Delvaux is, and when I went on his Good Read page, he had very little information on it. Except that he joined up this March 2020, and so far read only three books, which are: "Sparks-Tastic" by Tosh Berman (One Star), "The Plum in Mr. Blum's Pudding" by Tosh Berman (One Star), and of course, last but not least, "TOSH" by Tosh Berman. And that, obviously, is One Star as well.  

The way I look at it, I write the book, and then it is the critic's job to acknowledge or not to acknowledge the work. I'm happy that I take part in the conversation. I then went back to my reading of "Stockhausen Serves Imperialism"  by the late British composer Cornelius Cardew as well as the biography on surfer Miki Dora. This late afternoon we went to Gelson's, but there was a line to get in, as well as Trader Joe's. It started to rain, so we decided to go on a different day. If one eats slowly, food lasts longer. 

March 21, 2020 (In the year of the Trump Virus)

March 21, 2020 (In the year of the Trump Virus)

Usually, at dusk, and for the last few days, there have been teenage lovers/friends meeting up at the front of our home, near a vacant lot.  There is a sense of urgency in their body communication.  Sometimes it is male teenagers, or females together as well.  Late last night, I heard voices from my office at home and looked outside the window to see five young guys smoking, talking, and standing very close together.  The 65-year old man that is me wanted to yell out, "Hey, 6 feet apart guys."  I didn't do that, because it would have been absurd to them.  More likely, they would ignore me.  They do know the drill.  That is why they are meeting there at 1:00 in the morning, away from prying eyes and ears.  I went to bed with their distant voices in the background as I fell asleep.

This is the fifth day of being isolated from everyone, and it's not as bad as one thinks.  I have my wife here and a case of Charles Shaw wine, which is quickly disappearing.  We're doing Amazon Prime at the moment, because we are getting it free, due to trial use.  We buy things at bulk on Amazon as well as at various online markets.  We originally purchased tons of toilet paper due to the substantial discount.  The thing is before the virus hit Los Angeles in such a manner, we ordered toilet paper, but instead, we got 64 rolls of paper towels.  So, like many other citizens of Los Angeles, we do hunt for toilet paper.  As of now, we have three rolls, and we consider ourselves lucky. -Tosh Berman

March 20, 2020 (In The Year of the Trump Virus)

March 20, 2020 (In the year of the Trump Virus)

I just delivered my mom some bread that we had in the fridge as well as a bottle of wine. I left it on her front porch, walked away to the street, and then called her to come out to pick up the package. She came out, I waved, and then got into the car and left. I was going to do a significant shopping for her (as well as for us), but I presume that the food markets will be intensely busy, and decided to go later in the day, or within a few days. Both my mom, Uncle, and his mate, and yours truly have food in our houses for at least the end of this week. My thinking is to avoid panic buying or avoid other panic-buyers. 

My mood is not on the bottom floor, but somewhere in the middle of the building, perhaps on the sixth-floor. It's either here or there. I was laid off work yesterday, and all I have read is how many people lost their jobs in the past 24-hours. I'm not angry whatsoever, just disappointed because I enjoy this part (really part)-time job greatly. It's a bookstore, and like the other bookstores in the Los Angeles area such as Skylight Books and Book Soup (my old residence) is fully closed until further news. Libraries, my second home, is closed as well. Well, everything is closed that's emotionally important to me. Essential is more body-based, such as eating for survival, and emotional are all the fun shops. 

I spend my time writing and reading the current issue of MOJO Magazine (good article on Jimi Hendrix's last days) as well as a big biography on the legendary surfer Mikki Dora. When I take my baths, I read Cornelius Cardew's "Stockhausen Serves Imperialism." Cardew was an English composer who studied under Stockhausen as well as exploring the works of John Cage. Somewhere down the line, Cardew became a hardened Leftist and denounced Stockhausen and Cage. It's a fascinating read. I have always had a soft spot for individuals who are extremists. Which, in this time and age, makes many nervous. 

I'm a prisoner in our home, and it's not unusual for me to spend days at a time working and living in this space. So, I don't have any problem staying at home, especially when a library and records surround me. Depression does sneak up to me, especially the body blows of the Trump Virus taking effect on my surroundings. It's difficult not to see my mom and Uncle at this time. Still, I do help and think of them all of the time. - Tosh Berman

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Today is Sunday.  The artwork above is "Sol lustitiae" (Sun of Righteousness) a work of art by Albrecht Düer, sometime in the years 1400-1500.  It is a work regarding Sunday. I woke up in my normal manner by finishing off Francis Ponge's "Nioque of the Early-Spring" a book of poems regarding weather in his neck of the woods in France.  Both naturalistic, but with political overtures as well.  An interesting book to read in a hot bath.  I have a problem with my left shoulder where it's stiff and sore.  Never painful, but just feels awkward when I lean against it in bed, or if I move too quickly after stretching the arm.  It feels like arthritis, but how would I know that?  My Japanese friends tell me it's just the sign of old age, and that eventually it will disappear, but will also come back.  And that is the total truth.  

Throughout the day I have to work on the finishing touches on my essay for "Please Kill Me" website.   I'm doing a series of articles/pieces on the role of the music manager.  There are plenty of books on the subject matter, but I'm trying to find obscure figures in that field that needs more proper attention.   It's a fun writing and research project for me.  Beyond that, I'm doing my mom's laundry.  Her washing machine and dryer is downstairs from her duplex apartment and the stairs are hard to manage while carrying laundry.  I assist her by doing the work at home and then bringing it to her the next day.  It's the least I can do for her!   Beyond that, I really enjoy doing the laundry.  Both mine and hers.  My wife and I do separate laundry duties, but often she would take charge of the situation, and do my mom's laundry as well as folding it up and putting it in a large bag.  A skill I lack (out of many) is properly folding the clothes.  That, like my attempts at hairdressing, is doomed to fail. 

Beyond the writing and laundry issues, I find Sundays to be stressful.  I feel I need to relax, and I often think of going to the cinema, but I can't find a movie I want to watch.   I just did a podcast with a filmmaker Jeff Mizushima Here and we discuss the nature of cinema viewing, and how it is different in each medium.  Personally, I love going to the movies, but the cost of the ticket, plus the low quality of a lot of the mainstream films is a real downer for me.  Also, there are theaters  I like to go to, but they are at a distance, especially since I don't drive.  More likely I will go to Skylight Books and let my brain wander among the bookshelves.  

Friday, April 5, 2019

People who know or think they know me will be surprised to know that I never heard a Charles Mingus album until today.  I went to Rockaway Records on Glendale Blvd, to purchase a British Electric Foundation (BEF) album, and by chance, I came upon Mingus' "Oh Yeah."   I have read that one of David Bowie's favorite albums was "Oh Yeah," and I'm starting a collection of 'Bowie's favorite albums.'   To know an artist you must know what that artist have read or listened to, or both. I played "Oh Yeah" twice in a row and found it to be incredibly charming.   I suspect that it's an unusual Mingus album because he sings on it, and plays the piano.  His main instrument (at least to the general public) is the bass.   I'm aware that he has put out an album called "Mingus Plays Piano," which is him improvising on the keyboard.  That should be an interesting listening experience. 

For the Please Kill Me website please kill me.com I'm writing a series on various music managers and how they influence or even made 'music culture.'   I'm doing all the obvious rock n' roll managers but will dwell into some of the more obscure hustlers and shakers that made a huge contribution to the music (and film) world.  I always had the obsession to see the Wizard at work behind the curtain, so this is something I'm looking forward to.  One of the key inspirations is a book by Johnny Rogan called "Starmakers & Svengalis" The History of British Pop Management."   In this book, he interviews the major managers of various rock n' roll figures and it is endlessly fascinating.  After I complete the rock n' roll managers, I'm thinking of doing a series on book publishers, who are equally interesting, and of course, all become tastemakers of sorts. 

Very rarely do I mention politics in my diary or journal due that I find that subject matter distasteful.  Not always, but since Trump became President, it seems such conversations become aimlessly inane. One thing he succeeds is to make politics into a vulgar spectacle.  It has always been tasteless, even at its best times, but this is true now on a decadent level.  To even comment on anything to do with that man becomes drawn into a level of stupidity that is hard to digest on an empty stomach.   As a practice or even a skill, I refuse to read or listen to any of his speeches, or interviews. When I do read about his administration it has to be a critique or straight journalism.   For one, whenever he opens his mouth a lie comes out, so therefore he's not a good source for information.  The irony, of course, is that he himself is 'fake' media.   He has nothing of value, and he cheapens the world around him.  A horror show takes place on a daily basis, and I just refuse to watch the pornography he produces on a regular basis. 

I'm feeling a touch under the weather.  I hope nothing 'sick' comes my way.  I want to stay busy by working. 

Thursday, April 4, 2019

I woke up early to do an interview with J.C. for 'dublab.com, but as usual, I need at least two hours to get myself ready.   When I open my eyes in the morning, it is usually coming from a dream state that is a borderline nightmare.  Mostly I dream that I either live or sleep with numerous people. There's a bed of course, but I have to share it with numerous people.  I'm usually living in a large home, that is neither Los Angeles, Tokyo or Paris.  A combination of all three.  I often walk around naked with the various people in the kitchen and living room. It's not exactly a party, but people were just living and doing their business.  They never pay any attention to my nakedness, and I'm the only person to notice that this is an odd state of being.  When I get back to bed, it's difficult to find a spot where I can lay down and sleep.  I then wake up and start thinking about my interview for 'dublab.com.

After the interview, I went to my Uncle's house to discuss finances and him and his partner moving in with us shortly.  Right now, we are preparing the studio apartment down below for both of them.  Since my Uncle is a senior citizen, we have to think about attaching rails onto walls and remove a lot of the broken concrete that is in front of the entrance way.  A lot of work.  Still, we have a gentleman who can do the job, and on top of that, he sings loudly when working.  A talented singer and I asked him why he didn't make a record.  He is very religious, and he only sings in the church.  He sings for him, which he points his finger toward the sky, and feels it's not right to commercialize his singing for profit.   

I feel like a traveler.  I walked around the lake this early evening, and it started to rain.  I love taking long walks and exploring the moisture from above hitting me on the face.   The new thing in my life today is that I'm starting to do podcasts. It will be "Tosh Talks," but audio.  I will still do the YouTube shows as well, but I find it satisfying to do just an audio presentation. I can take my pants off while doing the show.  Who will know?